Real Talk || Blogmas Day 5

Hello again! Hope y’all are having a fantastic week!

Today I want to do some Real Talk about life, and Personal Development.

So, obviously Personal development is a journey of a lifetime. There will never be a day where you wake up and everything will happen perfect, and things won’t come up that are stressful, sad, frustrating etc, you name it. Life will always have ups and downs and I think what is so great about our journey of personal development is finding ways to deal with those difficult times, and learning to use failure as motivation to keep going, to overcome and prevail instead of curling in a ball and crying that we failed or embarrassed ourselves.

Preaching to the choir here, I just had a difficult week last week. Hormones were flying and for whatever reason, despite all the happy seasonal cheer, this time of year brings a lot of baggage for me. Just 2 years ago (Dec ‘14) we were in an extremely difficult financial circumstance and we barely had enough money to buy one small gift for the 3 of us. We had final notices for our utilities to be shut off, were stuck with a house payment we couldn’t afford because of a bad business deal, and had a small baby to care for. Life seemed really gray. That time of our lives brought so much stress and anger and resentment, not even from each other per se, but we were judged harshly by friends and family and it felt like the whole world was against us.

2 years before that, (Nov ‘12) I said goodbye to my family and everything I knew and was told I would never see them again. (Luckily I did reunite with most of them a year later)
So to say this time of year isn’t easy is a bit of an understatement. It is a season of joy, growth and opportunity, but also of sadness, despair and heartbreak for myself.

Every year I feel such great pressure to make the next year so much better then the last because I never want to end up in those dark sad shitty places I have been to before, but the pressure of trying to live up to the sometimes, unrealistic standards, can be so detrimental to my mental health.

I have been blogging for nearly 2 years now and it really gets me down sometimes that I haven’t progressed more, but I have no one to blame but my own self. I don’t do myself any good by feeling guilty, but I also don’t get anything done by being complacent so it’s a constant battle between the two.

Why do I say all this? I’m not sure. My goal with the blog for now is to be as honest and transparent as I can with whoever may happen to read this. But to also have fun and write things I enjoy. Whether it’s raw and vulnerable like today, or a list of my favorite tv shows. The world has enough websites of people desperately trying to fit in, to strategically trick you to buy their products, to lure you in with pretty perfect photos, and hey those can be great, good for them! However I want to add something more to the world. My own voice. My unedited, raw, unfiltered voice and passions for the world to see if they wish.

Back to our original topic though, Personal Development. I could talk about this all day. About the incredible things we discover on our individual journey trying to live our best life, and be our best self. It’s fascinating how similar and how different we all are. But when it comes down to it, we all just want to be happy.

Sometimes our journeys seem to go way down before they head up. We wonder why we had to go through so much shit. WHY US?! Are we really that idiotic to have allowed ourselves to fall into such sad circumstances? But then when we are on the other side, when it is simply just a memory, we see in retrospect how much more beautiful life is when we overcome the obstacles and push ourselves to a higher standard. We have so much more appreciation for the little things. To have our lights on. To have water. To have our phones on. To have all the food we need plus more. These are a privilege. And having gone through hard times make the good times so much brighter.

So even though I am not at my perfect body weight and physique, I don’t drive my dream car, and I’m not making 6 figures from my blog like I wish I was, I have a warm, comfortable home to live in. We have plenty of food to eat. I have a beautiful tree with a dozen beautiful, delicately wrapped gifts underneath for my family to open on Christmas Day. I may not be where I want to be yet, but I am so proud and forever grateful to see the progress we have made. And I never want to take that for granted.

Thanks for reading.
Love you all.

Laveda

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